I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
