I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
