paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
