You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
