So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
