So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
