how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
