moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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