I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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