Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
