i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
