do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
