6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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