I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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