my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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