i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
