so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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