I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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