First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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