I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
