No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
