i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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