Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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