I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
