i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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