I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
