I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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