So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm always down for nudity.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
