I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
