i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
