you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And then my night got REAL pukey
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
