on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
