if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
