Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
