Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
