At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In America we eat man semen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
