in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
