I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
