The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
