at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
