I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
