i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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