yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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