oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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