Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
