I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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