You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
