I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
