is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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