She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm like, not good at living.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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