what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
