I want to have your abortion
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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