I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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