i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
